I Don't Get Around Much Anymore

I have made it through the dreads of Thanksgiving and only three more weeks until I finish up the semester. Now all I have to do is survive and pass all my classes.

I had been invited to join one of my friend's families for their annual dinner which was a very nice and home-like event. We all gathered around her dinner table, said grace, and them proceeded with what seemed to be all American Thanksgiving conversation. The topics ranged from colleges to my family and then to politics. Proving to be a very interesting conversation, especially after our hostess had started her second glass of wine, we talked about Sarah Palin's never ending gaffes and how that could be her biggest problem. Needless to say I think I regret ever having brought up the topic so I doubt that will be 'one the table' (so to speak) next time around.

As much as I thought I'd miss something being away from my family, I really don't feel like I did. I'm sure there were the required quips flying across the table and my grandmother wandering around try to find where my mother hid the silver this year. If everything goes as I am planning (not that it ever does) I will once again be present next year to see the mania and watch that grandma does re-chop the salad lettuce for the fifteenth time. I miss the idea and memories of it but I don't actually miss the activity. This was an experiment and now I know that life can still go on without a full-scale family festival.

Christmas shopping for me is not about spending hours strolling up and down the isles at Neiman's. Having worked in retail for enough time to know how bad Christmas is, I skip right to the computer and only buy last minute items in-store. Who really has all that time to spending buying swaters for their best friend, but deep down knowing that the blinking red nose (batteries not included) is a bit over the top.

December means the end of 2010 and I'll be pleased to see it go.

Taking a few hits along the way

Lately life has dealt me some challenges, but I suppose everyone can say that. Here’s the thing--for the first time in my life I have lost all sense of direction. I am only holding on by the threads of my daily routine and the occasional social interaction. Changing directions with the Queen Mary is just about as hard as it seems--that is exactly what changing directions with my life is like. As I proceed with these changes, slowly integrating them in between the pages of my ‘normal’ routine I have come to see why the turtle beats the hare every time.

Knowing why I ended up exactly where I am now is almost scarier that not knowing why. My own fear, whether of being put into a box or becoming some stereotype, directed my path but no longer am I letting it take control. It is only through times of turbulent wind that we can see what really defines ourselves.

Soon Thanksgiving will be upon us, and this year I will not be home with my family. While I find this thought daunting, because we all know how much better the holidays are when shared with bickering family members, I know that this separation is only temporary. Who can really tell what another 365 days can bring us?

My point is this, realizing that I was wrong maybe the hardest pill to swallow but knowing I can change this is liberating. I have always been a person to want it ‘all’. I have had the material things and the personal relationships but yet I still yearned for that something more. It was then which I realized that I was not yet complete. Truth be told maybe I don’t really want it all--just a nice piece.